Don't keep the lousiness of 'Can You Keep a Secret?' a secret
Netflix
Once upon a time, back when milk cost a nickel and streaming meant wading in a stream, you weren’t going to stumble onto an off-off-off-brand, non-theatrical-release movie unless you were watching a weird channel at a weird time. Now, with everything ready to watch at all times and little distinction between Steve James and Kevin James while scrolling, the playing field is leveled, and the random linings of a $2.99 DVD bin suddenly become the #3 movie of the week on Netflix.
All that is to say that “Can You Keep a Secret?,” a romantic comedy that treats sensible human behavior as a foreign language it doesn’t speak, should exist on the very outskirts of what you come across to watch, not as the centerpiece. That has nothing to do with the star, Alexandra Daddario, who was remarkable in “The White Lotus” after proving her star power and versatility over the years in a variety of solid shows (“Parenthood,” “New Girl”) and mediocre movies (“Baywatch,” “Hall Pass”), with the endearing “When We First Met” the exception to the rule. Unfortunately, “Secret,” based on a novel by Sophie Kinsella, saddles Daddario with a character that leans into some of the genre’s worst clichés and turns Emma into a rambling, desperate doofus almost too self-involved to realize that her growing relationship with Jack (Tyler Hoechlin of “Supergirl”) typically involves her talking and him listening and offering nothing about himself in return.
The supposed goal is a story about people having to embrace their quirks and love themselves first before they can be honest and vulnerable with another person, a notion that’s hardly novel but certainly worth repeating. But not like this, not hinging on Emma revealing all of her secrets when she meets Jack on a plane (including going on and on long after the massive turbulence subsides, suggesting a psychological break that the movie quickly turns away from) and then discovers, whaddayaknow, that he’s the founder of the company she works for! And, of course, he finds all of her foibles in and out of the office delightful, instantly siding with her among a group of fourth-rate sitcom corporate buffoons. Romantic comedies don’t exactly inspire a lot of tension, but too much of “Can You Keep a Secret?” involves Emma doing something she’s embarrassed about and Jack just grinning blankly.
So it comes out of nowhere when the terrible script by Peter Hutchings arrives at a good moment that acknowledges sexism in the workplace and women having to work much harder to get to the same level. Until then, the potential complications and problematic power dynamic between the rich guy in charge and the extremely low-level employee are mostly glossed over in favor of repetitive scenes of Emma and her roommates (Sunita Mani as Lissy, Kimiko Glenn as Gemma) whose subplots are better off left unexplained. (OK, two things: It’s ridiculous that Emma goes into Lissy’s room even when the noises coming from behind the door should obviously prevent her from doing so. And I did laugh when Gemma, whose personal style is wearing the opposite of what you think someone would wear to the place that she’s going, announces she’s off to dinner with her grandma in an outfit I won’t even try to summarize.)
Obviously the bar is low for stuff like this; you just want a pleasant-enough love story that earns a smile or two. But the premise of “Can You Keep a Secret?” is painfully flimsy and very much exposed as Emma and Jack supposedly navigate tougher terrain of opening up and the dangers of putting valuable information in someone else’s hands. Because the information shared is way too mild, and the outcome is never remotely in doubt. Or of interest.
D
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