'The Valet' twists 'Notting Hill' into something embarrassing and creepy
Hulu
Part of what makes “Notting Hill” a ‘90s romantic comedy classic is its attention to low-key longevity, the sweetness and dedication of enduring love. It revolves around an unlikely chance encounter but converts a moment into a lifetime. You believe that the feeling is more than a feeling. It’s a bond.
While technically “The Valet” is a remake of a 2006 French farce of the same name, it feels very much like someone watched the Julia Roberts/Hugh Grant vehicle and decided to ruin it completely. This time the relationship between the famous actress (Samara Weaving as Olivia Allan) and quiet nice guy (Eugenio Derbez as the, um, titularly employed Antonio Flores) occurs because she’s been photographed with her married secret boyfriend (Max Greenfield as a billionaire who wants to replace a charming bike shop with a spin operation) and the pair decides the best way to avoid bad publicity for Olivia’s new “Earhart” movie or problems with her guy’s wife (Betsy Brandt) is to pretend that Olivia is actually dating the guy in the background of the photo—Antonio. Long sentence. Looooong, slow movie.
It’s not hard to see the broad comic potential of the exaggerated setup. Yet “The Valet” is clueless about love, weird about sex and dumb about movies. For starters, Derbez may be playing 47 but is actually 60, and looks it. Antonio comments that he could be Olivia’s father (Weaving is 30), and he’s right. So even though the movie—spoiler alert, I guess?—never really wants us to take this fake relationship for any more than a budding friendship at most, it’s not a great sign if every time you see the main characters together you think, “Oh please no oh please no.” The age difference is an obvious, massive problem that the script by Bob Fisher and Rob Greenberg mostly sidesteps, but the subtler problem is the simultaneous contrivance and simplicity of the story. These two still come from extremely different worlds, but they both live in L.A., and their paths cross without a ton of effort. Weaving (very good in “Ready or Not” and “Nine Perfect Strangers”) is better than Derbez, but performances are borderline irrelevant with a story so flimsy and tiresome.
Plus, just because Antonio (who is separated from his wife, played by Marisol Nichols) never expected to fake-date a movie star doesn’t mean that this dynamic is taken anywhere surprising. Mostly, it’s as hokey and mediocre as you can imagine, combining Olivia enjoying a home-cooked meal and a supportive family for a change while Antonio’s family and their friends and their friends gather for the inevitable moment of in-house gawking.
Speaking of the supporting characters: If the over-under is nine times that Antonio’s mom (Carmen Salinas) makes her son uncomfortable by talking about sex or Antonio’s friends and strangers marvel at his supposed studliness (including a running gag assuming that he must be massively endowed), you can comfortably bet the over. The total is more like 20, blatantly compensating for a lead who defines blandness and the kind of character who turns nice into an insult.
Add Vincent’s (Greenfield) childish jealousy over Olivia and the character’s dull villainy and the investigators hired to follow this ruse and you wind up with a few lived-in moments about people who are overlooked or underestimated and a lot of moments that make you wonder what kind of movies aren’t being made so something like “The Valet” can get a shot.
It’s important to tell a variety of stories about a variety of people (though “The Valet” doesn’t exactly engage thoughtfully with racism in 2022 America). This one feels like an exploration of infidelity, lust and gentrification aimed at 11-year-olds.
C-
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